“See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland.”
Isaiah 43:19
It’s Just Now June. I’d attuned myself to be in present in June, experiencing God in everyday experiences: Breathe in: Just. Breathe out: Now. Just Now June: a nifty moniker guiding me moment by moment like Brother Lawrence; seeking to encounter God while washing dishes, sitting in front of the TV, or a cooking a meal. I was used to encountering God in such experiences and figured Just Now June would be easy peasy.
Just Now June included very little magic fairy dust. Sailing through June, I had very few deep thoughts, and mostly just responded to what was presented. The lazy, hazy, crazy days of June were just that: hazy and lazy. Just React and Move on June. Some good times were had. We celebrated a sweet fortieth wedding anniversary with our kids. I had sweet experience with friends in a Discernment Circle. I volunteered at church. I cared for my grandson, cooked several good meals, and floated in a pool with a friend. All good, but I floated through June with little spiritual focus.
Instead of centering on prayer and just being and noticing God’s presence in my life, my thoughts became increasingly scattered. My morning prayer times included more mindless phone scrolling and less prayer. My afternoons were hyper-focused on games and crafting while binging TV.
My mind was not the only thing that was cluttered. Layers of books, craft supplies, dust, puppy hair, toy cars and mail obscured my vision of everything but our giant TV. And instead of smelling roses while outside, I noticed every weed, slug and snail I allowed in our gardens.
During Just Now June I began to understand a few things. My lack of concentration was wider than I expected. I was not listening to my body: not eating lunch, not drinking enough water, not exercising, etc. I had not noticed. I was sluggish.
By the end of June I’d stressed my body’s dominant left side. I’m not sure how a slug stresses their dominant side, but that’s what I did. I was no longer able to garden and my left side hurt too much to do much indoors. My indoor and outdoor piles deepened and my body hurt. I decided that Just Now July sounded just as good or better than Just Now June. My plan was to really, REALLY concentrate on recovering the health of my body, soul, and mind during July.
Just Now July flew by, a blur of pain, unrest and frustration. Near the end of July I was forced to declutter my living room because my daughter invited guests to our house. After the guests left I marveled at the difference the little clear-out made, not only in my living room, but in my head. I cheered up a bit after the mountains of paper, cartons of glue, tubs of stamps, scissors and washi tape were transferred out of the living room and into the extra bedroom. I experienced a tiny flicker of hope as I looked through the dried up house plants that still surrounded me. Clearing some of the stuff I’d piled around me, helped me to breathe a bit deeper while still binging TV and scrolling through my phone.
My July yearly physical exam and bi-yearly dentist appointments also cleared my head in a rather jarring way. I would have to intensify my commitment to take care of myself. By July’s end, the threat of another lazy, hazy, crazy month of distraction and inertia spooked me. I’d need to start a life overhaul before August. (Yikes!)
How did I go from basically healthy in May to needing a physical, mental, and spiritual overhaul in August? What happened during Just June and July?
In June, I started listening to my body in a way that was unhealthy. While I ignored my body’s need of basic food, water and exercise, I listened to my body’s normal discomfort in getting older. I began to believe that I should slow down. I needed to go easy. Then I begin to experience real pain. I’d not experienced much physical pain in my life and I didn’t think to pray through June’s injury. Instead I figured that getting old = slowing down, the easy road. Easy walking through an entire lifetime is a myth. Walking on the wide easy road because the narrower road is harder and scarier may be okay in the short term, but lacks traction for the long haul. In Jesus’ words:
“Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few.” Matthew 7:13-14.
After two months of coddling myself, I began to understand that my body (after healing) needed more discipline, not less. My body and spirit needed more exercise and less inactivity.
There’s a force leads away from goodness and rest. Satan likes to see me floundering. His force draws me toward confusion. When my head and heart became increasingly clouded, I was demoralized. It was easier for me to believe Satan’s lies. I accepted the thought that the good life should include few boundaries. Why not skip prayer time and breakfast? Why not stay indoors to finish craft projects? Why not drink an extra beer? Why be so hard on yourself?
“Did God really say that ‘you must not eat from any tree in the garden?”
Proof! Satan wanted me to be a befuddled, perplexed mess, not able to find the narrow gate. I am learning that it’s harder to concentrate and make thoughtful decisions while in pain. Admitting that I’m in pain, am stressed, and am not in a good place, is a start.
When I refused to acknowledge that I was in a fog, the fog began to make it hard for me to see clearly. I figured that since I’ve lived for more than 63 years, I know how to live the Christian life. I’ve been an active Christ follower for around 50 years. I know how to hear God. I’ve got this! Though the temptation to be a lazy follower of Christ should be behind me, I did not recognize that I was taking the easy way spiritually. I didn’t properly react to my new reality. Seasons change. With each season it is possible to learn to trust God in a different way. In this season, my body isn’t what it once was, but “I’M NOT DEAD YET!” (Something my friend and I yell at the buzzards while they circle over us as we float in the pool). It’s important that I continue to actively pursue God in new ways that match my new reality.
“He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.They will soar on wings like eagles they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:29-31
During Just Now June and July I was stuck so deeply in the present that I didn’t spend enough time experiencing God in a way that had been helpful in the past. Jesus, after lamenting the unbelief in towns where He performed most of His miracles, turned to God to thank Him that His disciples, though “little children” believed in Him and His miracles. Next, He said to His followers,
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30
Remembering God’s past miracles can encourage my faith in what God can do to lighten today’s load.
My grandson lives in a structured, loving home. He’s three years old, sometimes overcome by BIG emotions. It’s helpful that he’s had a systematic life and knows that he can take time to feel, but sooner or later needs to calm down. Maybe that’s part of the reason Jesus called his disciples little children. They were lost some of the time, but were also found by Him. They remembered His miracles and responded in faith. He was eager to share His yoke with them and lighten the load while they were in need.
During June and July being present in a confusing world led me in many directions at the same time, but I’M STILL ALIVE for AWE-gust! I’ll take what I learned from NO awe June and July into AWE-gust. New every morning. I will keep in mind that the easy road is not easy and Satan is a lier and wants me to believe things that will hurt and will lead me away from life. I’M NOT DEAD YET. My remembrances of God are sweet and can lead me on, stretching toward God in new and different ways everyday. To feel the awe again, I will need dedication, concentration and willingness to let the world go in multiple directions without following those directions. Walking through the narrow gate on the narrow road means giving up worry, control and the concept of time. It means to continue to allow time and space in my life for God’s way.
For the last couple AWEgust evenings I’ve been challenged to pray the Examin. Examin is a prayer of reflection on daily events. It should help me slow down, be thoughtful and mindful at the end of the day. Here’s an outline of the steps.
- Become aware of God’s presence.
- Give thanks: Look back over the past 24 hours. What are you grateful for? Where did joy, peace, or beauty break through?
- Pay attention to your emotions: What moments felt heavy, difficult, or draining? Where did you feel most alive?
- Be honest: Were there moments you missed God’s invitation? Things you wish you’d done differently? Bring them to Jesus without shame, He meets you with grace.
- Look toward tomorrow: Ask God to prepare your heart for the day ahead.
The above outline of Examin is by Prayer 24-7. The app Lectio 365 provides evening prayers that will guide me through the steps.
